Anti-bullying week: Advice for parents as Red Balloon explains how it helps children overcome trauma

School years are supposed to be the best years of our lives, but thousands of children across the country are too terrified even to set foot through the front gates.

It’s Anti-bullying week and Milton-based Red Balloon is keen to highlight the plight of students out of school.

Anna Kilby, the charity’s director of well-being, explains the hidden problem.

“We meet many children who are so badly affected by trauma – bullying, abuse or bereavement for example – that they can’t attend mainstream school,” she says. “Some suffer from such severe anxiety or symptoms of PTSD that they can’t bear to be alongside their peers.”

Since 1996, Red Balloon has led the way in supporting vulnerable youngsters, opening their first Learner Centre in Cambridge’s Warkworth Terrace. It supports up to 20 students and provides a haven where they can resume their studies, receive therapy, make friends and prepare for adulthood.

The Cambridge Red Balloon model has been replicated in Norwich, NW London and Reading, but demand is rising and school refusal seems to be growing.

A recent survey found that 21 per cent of young people faced with bullying missed school; of these, 34 per cent had suicidal thoughts and 28 per cent self-harmed. It’s difficult to pinpoint exactly how many children are missing school because of bullying but in 2016-17, the National Children’s Bureau declared that around 50,000 were reported as missing education.

Given the staggering impact of bullying on mental health, many young people who find themselves in a downward spiral can’t even attend a Red Balloon centre. That’s where Red Balloon of the Air (RBAir) comes in.

John started at RBAir after experiencing bullying at his primary school in rural Cambridgeshire.

He tells the Cambridge Independent: “It started at the same time I started primary school and my grandmother died. It was mostly name-calling but it got worse over time and one day the bully strangled me in front of the class and the teacher did nothing.

“I burst into tears with my mum and told her everything.

“We talked to the school’s head, but he said I should stand up for myself and fight back, but I’m not a violent person.”

John struggled on and the local authority provided a home tutor, but when he started secondary school he found it a challenge.

“I was thrown in the deep end. I thought every education institution must be awful and decided I wouldn’t go any more. The school was supposed to send work home for me, but they kept sending the same piece every time, and then stopped altogether,” he says.

Until he was 13, John was home-schooled by his brother.

“I swear that for at least two years I barely left the house. I didn’t have many social skills because I’d spent so much time alone and out of education,” he recalls.

“Eventually, my mum heard about Red Balloon of the Air, and it honestly saved my life. When everyone else had given up – apart from my family – Red Balloon was there for me.”

RBAir students learn on a laptop in their own homes, where they feel safe. The lessons are in real time in small groups and led by qualified teachers who make use of innovative techniques and hands-on practicals.

As well as lessons, RBAir provides online and face-to-face well-being and therapy to support students’ mental health. Some students may start by talking through their bedroom door, and qualified mentors spend their early meetings coaxing them to step outside. Ultimately, they have enough self confidence to join with fellow students at RBAir’s base in Milton, taking part in activities like cookery and forest skills, as well as practical science experiments. For some, this is the first time they’ve learned alongside others for many years.

John continues his story: “I had two mentors during my time, Christina and Caroline. They supported my mother to start with as I was so shy I’d just say ‘hello’ and run away. Over time I got used to them and now I still talk to Caroline quite a lot.

“When I was at secondary school, they’d push me to go faster, and that just made me shut down. But Red Balloon didn’t; I went at my own pace. I started taking lessons for an hour here and there, and in the end I was studying for the full school week.

“The teachers were some of the nicest people I’ve ever met. I took my lessons online, and socialised with other students on Google chats. I’ve even met a few in the real world. We’d talk about the lessons but also things that interest us. I’d talk about my animals, and there were quite a few of us who cared about animals.”

Anna says: “Red Balloon offers young people a safe and compassionate space, even when they’re online, where they can come to terms with what they’ve experienced and take steps forward. As our students learn, they grow in confidence and resilience.

“While school may not be for everyone, we believe that education should be, and Red Balloon helps students reconnect with learning and life”.

John’s transformation was astonishing to those who know him.

“I took double-science, maths and English GCSEs and got the results I needed; now I’m studying biomedical sciences at my regional college,” he says.

John plans to go to Leicester to study microbiology. He adds: “The past doesn’t make me feel sad any more; now I just think about the future. I don’t know where I’d be without Red Balloon of the Air.”

You can donate to Red Balloon at redballoonlearner.org.

If you are worried or upset out of hours, please call Childline free on 0800 1111.

Advice for parents

If you’re worried that your child is having trouble at school:

• Talk with your child. Speak calmly and reassuringly, ask what they want to do about the problem and discuss steps to take going forward. Bear in mind that many children are worried that their parents will make a fuss and make things worse.
• Make a note of all worrying incidents (including dates, times, names and locations).
• If your child is showing evidence of mental distress, consult a GP.
• Explain the problem calmly to the school, talk about coping strategies and how they can help.
• If the school isn’t responding, don’t take your child off roll, even if they stop attending. If the school threatens to prosecute, go with it and say in court: “My child isn’t at school because they are unsupported and here’s the evidence.”

• Bullying may involve violence, assault, harassment, intimidation or malicious communications, which are illegal and can be reported to the police.

For advice see http://www.redballoonlearner.org/Advice-and-Links or call 01223 366052.