Emilie Silverwood-Cope: Distressing news is all around us - but we are the lucky ones
My childhood fears included (in no particular order) the Bermuda Triangle, electricity pylons (getting a kite stuck on one), piranhas, spontaneous combustion and, of course, nuclear war.
Generation X-ers grew up in the height of the Cold War. Russians were the baddies and we knew what would happen if America and the USSR fell out. Both sides would drop The Bomb. We watched Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s Two Tribes on Top of the Pops, which showed a wrestling match between Ronald Reagan and Konstantin Chernenko. We saw how fisticuffs could end in global destruction. We happily sang along to ‘When two tribes go to war a point is all that you can score’.
If that subtlety was lost on you and you thought you might brave out a nuclear winter, Raymond Briggs’ When the Wind Blows would put you straight. His comic book about an elderly couple trying to survive a nuclear attack by hiding under upturned doors was published in 1982. I read it, aged about nine years old, at primary school.
It seems horribly fitting that Gen X parents are now fielding questions from their Gen Z children about the Russian invasion of Ukraine, Putin and the nuclear threat. It all feels very, for want of a better word, triggering. My 14-year-old nephew asked his mum if it was true that 18-year-olds weren’t allowed to leave Ukraine as they were expected to stay and fight. He did the maths and the adult world suddenly seemed scarily close to him.
We often have the radio on in the background and I have dived for the ‘off’ button many times over the past couple of years. I didn’t want my children to hear about the policeman who kidnapped a woman or the rise in Covid deaths. I’m not sure I want them to hear about Putin’s tanks or the possibility of World War III, but pretending it’s not happening isn’t an option either.
How do we talk to them about it? Child communication expert Kavin Wadhar, from KidCoachApp, said: “How old is the child, and how ready are they for the conversation? If they’re five years old and they haven’t heard anything about this anyway, there’s probably no need to force it upon them. But if they’re a little bit older and they’ve already heard things, then I wouldn’t shy away from engaging in the things going on in the world.”
This feels like sound advice to me. My younger children are in Years 4 and 7. My youngest son asked me if he should be worried when he spotted me listening intently to the news. I told him no, it was serious for grown ups, but he did not need to be scared. He returned to Minecraft.
I checked in with my eldest, who is 17 years old and accessing news on his phone, how he and his friends were feeling about Putin (that’s my tip by the way, ask how their friends are doing. If you ask how they are, you will just get ‘fine’). He said they were ‘worried but not spinning out’. After lockdown and a global pandemic they know only too well things can get serious very quickly. We can’t pretend that it’s all going to be great. While Gen X-ers are known for their cynicism and world-weariness, Gen-Z are shrewd and pragmatic. We had plenty to agree on as we discussed a 69-year-old’s megalomaniac motivations.
Our children aren’t the first generation to grow up with distressing news around them and we aren’t the first parents to be unable to give our children hard and fast assurances. We are the lucky ones though. While watching the news I saw two Ukrainian children on a train platform with the same rucksacks my children have. My heart broke imagining their mother, packing the little bags and taking her children to safety.
Read more Parenting Truths from Emilie Silverwood-Cope every month in the Cambridge Independent.
