Friends create Cambridge Widows charity pop-up choir after grief brought them together

A new national choir for widowed men and women is being brought together by two widows who struck up a friendship after their husbands died of cancer.

Judy Reith, 63, and Helen Judson, 53, from Cambridge, were both widowed in 2021. Seeing the need for support for widows at their life stage, they founded Cambridge Widows and now have more than 30 local members who meet and socialise regularly.

Last year, Judy and Helen went to a choir event for widows and discovered the multiple benefits of group singing to counteract grief. This inspired them to organise The Big Sing, a one-day singing workshop for Cambridgeshire-based widowed men and women as a fundraiser for Arthur Rank Hospice. One of the choir members said afterwards “singing in the widowed choir was probably one of the most happy, fun days I have had since my husband died”.

It was such a hit that they are now launching the national Widowed Sing in Cambridge on 5 October.

Judy said: “Being widowed has turned my life upside down, yet singing in a choir of widows was such an antidote to my loneliness and grief I would love every widowed person to have this opportunity. Meeting Helen, forming Cambridge Widows, and organising The Widowed Sing has given some purpose back to my life.

“At our first event in March we had 34 people come along and it was such a phenomenal boost for a choir entirely made up of heartbroken people that we thought we need to do this bigger next time. And so the one we’re planning at the moment for October is to be held in Cambridge again, but we are extending the invitation to anybody in the country who’d like to come to Cambridge who has lost their life partner – male or female – and sing for the day, regardless of singing ability.

“One of its features is that it’s a scratch choir, which means it is just held for one day.

“We start our day with most people in the room having no singing experience, and they’ve never met one another. But there’s an instant connection when they arrive because they know everybody has also lost their life partner. And that sense of being understood, being amongst people who get it, is an instant boost.

“At lunchtime when we said to everyone, ‘Go out and get some fresh air’, they didn’t. They all just wanted to sit around and keep talking and sharing their experiences and feeling heard and seen and understood in the way that we also experienced through running Cambridge widows, where our monthly meet-ups are just so nurturing.

“It’s well documented the joy of singing brings loads and loads of benefits for people. And you really do pause your grief for a bit while you’re concentrating on singing.”

The day, which will conclude with a live-streamed performance, is being led by professional choir leader Sophie Garner, former coach on ITV’s The Voice Kids, who ran the previous Cambridge Widows’ Big Sing.

Judy said: “My husband died of cancer and before his diagnosis he had always been fit and healthy.

“He was 66 and we had been married 32 years and we really imagined with our empty nest that we would enjoy growing old together. And then we had this massive curve ball of cancer and he was dead within 10 months.

“We were both life coaches, and we’d done a lot of talks, we’d written a book about how to age well, so my whole ‘act three’ stage, as we called it, had to make a massive handbrake turn.

“Within a few months of Adrian dying, I was introduced by a mutual neighbour to my friend Helen, and it turned out her husband had died three months before mine, but she’s a completely different woman from me. She’s 10 years younger, she doesn’t have children. And she had only very recently moved to Cambridge, so she hardly knew anybody.

“But because we were both widows we connected instantly. And then we met another widow and then another one and then another one. We’re now 34 women on our WhatsApp group in just over two years.

“And the cornerstone is a Sunday night drink that we have once a month. Weekends are terrible for widowed people because everybody’s got a partner or they’ve got family commitments or they’re well established with things that bring you joy over the weekend.

“We made our monthly meet up on a Sunday at six. It means that once a month you’ve got something to look forward to. And then outside of that people meet up for dog walks or go to the cinema, or meet for a meal share, tips, podcasts they’ve found helpful or even who knows a good electrician, things like that. So it’s incredibly supportive.”

Helen said: “David died soon after my 50th birthday and I spent months not understanding or being able to explain the overwhelming feelings of grief, until I met Judy and other widows who just ‘get it’. This was a lifesaver for me. And singing with other widows is joyous. I never thought I could sing, but I have found singing with other widows so uplifting and such a powerful way to connect with each other.”

All profits will go to Hospice UK, the national charity for hospices and end-of-life care, which offers training, support and campaigning for more than 200 UK hospices. Donations can also be made on the day to Hospice UK and Arthur Rank Hospice Charity.

The Widowed Sing takes place at St Paul’s Church, Hills Road, Cambridge on Saturday 5 October, 10am-6pm. The performance at the end of the day will be livestreamed and will be followed by drinks and supper for the singers.

Visit thewidowedsing.com to book.