Paul Foot: ‘A lot of people forget the power of the swan’

Despite its title Swan Power, there’s actually no mention of these majestic birds in Paul Foot’s new touring show, highly acclaimed at last year’s Edinburgh Fringe and soon to land in Cambridge.

There are, however, musings on the underwhelming sex drive of pandas and a full re-enactment of the film Titanic, among other things. Expect rants, eye-opening and profound observations, and off-the-wall fun.

A unique talent, that’s for sure, it was pleasing to note that the real life Paul Foot appears to be very much like the delightfully eccentric performer you see on stage – this is no act, folks, Paul is the ‘real deal’.

He has been on tour around the UK and, after he comes to Cambridge (and a few other places) in February, he’s off to Australia, where they seem to quite like him: he has been nominated twice for Best Show at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival and has been voted Best International Act at the Sydney and Perth Comedy Festivals.

“It’s gone very well, thanks,” says the friendly forty-something of his current tour, which was delayed by the pandemic. “I’m very pleased with the show and audiences seem to really like it; the shows have all gone well – they have to at my level of comedy. It’s got to go well!”

Paul, who in 2019 made a triumphant debut at the Glastonbury Festival (he has played the comedy tents of many top summer festivals), notes that Swan Power contains “all sorts of humour, disturbances – which are disturbing thoughts from my mind which I write down”.

“It contains a full re-enaction of the film Titanic, which is heavily abridged, it contains possible solutions for online trolling, it contains contemporary issues such as statues and people who would rather not have their statues up any more, it contains talk about the disappointing sex life of pandas. It contains an unwarranted attack on the RNLI and the coastguard, for no reason.

“It contains quite a lot of discussion about daytime TV presenters such as Eamonn Holmes and Philip Schofield and their propensity for manslaughter. I never accuse them of murder in the show, but I do accuse them of manslaughter, which is currently in the hands of the legal team.”

On how swans came to play a part in the title of the piece, but don’t physically appear on stage or even get talked about, Paul says: “It’s not mentioned. That’s like all my shows: the content is independent of the title. So there is no mention of swans in the show, but I decided to call it Swan Power because I think a lot of people forget the power of the swan.

“There’s a lot of attention on the power of the goose, particularly if you’re hit by a flock of geese. With swans, people forget what power they have. They don’t fly as much as geese; they’re mostly just going around on the water looking graceful, but they have a lot of power – so I thought it should be mentioned.”

He adds: “I had a dream last night that I was in the water with a swan. I do sometimes swim with the swans when I go swimming in the river. They swim around – they’re quite friendly.

“I love feeding them and I quite like it when they bite me. They can’t actually bite me because they’ve just got this funny big beak with very tiny little teeth on, but they’re ever so tiny so they can’t do any harm. So it’s just a fun way of being attacked by an animal, without any danger.

“But I think it’s a myth that they can break your arm with their neck. Why would they want to break your arm anyway? It wouldn’t be a very nice thing to do, would it? And they’re not vindictive, they’re a force for good.”

Paul’s UK television appearances include 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown, Would I Lie to You? and Never Mind the Buzzcocks – his witticisms and amusing demeanour on the latter have garnered more than a million views on YouTube.

When previously interviewing Paul, he told of an incident in Cambridge with an abusive cyclist that has left him traumatised. “There was no physical damage,” he recalls. “The psychological damage, of course, is going over it and thinking ‘Why didn’t I say something?’ It all just happened so quickly.

“The cyclist just said ‘Out the way!’ or something and I didn’t have the time to think, ‘Hang on...’ I should have said ‘Excuse me but you’re not supposed to be on the pavement’ but I didn’t.”

Paul remembers something similar at Gatwick Airport. “Someone pushed past me – like ‘I’m more important than you, I’m going past you’,” he says. “Then afterwards I said ‘Oh, it doesn’t matter’, it only delayed us by a few seconds.

“They in fact got stuck behind us in the end because they’d bought a hand baggage-only fare and they had luggage, and they got into a big strop – so they sort of got their comeuppance almost immediately.

“But nevertheless, I did keep going over it and thinking what could I have said? I should have said something at the time... devastating.

“If only there could be a way that you could be warned that someone’s about to be really rude to you; like if a thing could flash up on an app saying: ‘In about 20 seconds, a waiter will be unconscionably rude to you – be ready’. Then you’d be ready to come up with your response.”

The talented comic, who lists Tim Vine, Sam Campbell and Brian Gittins/David Earl among his favourite comedians, notes that he has no problem providing a “feisty comeback” if someone heckles him while he’s on stage, as he’s always “ready for it” there “but in real life you’re not”.

Does Paul let the cycling-related incident bother him every time he returns to Cambridge? “I try not to,” he replies. “That time I came by train, normally I come by car, deliberately so I don’t have to deal with it. I try to put it out of my mind – terrible.”

But Paul is by no means opposed to cycling or cyclists generally. “It’s interesting, isn’t it,” he begins, “how cyclists are some of the most hated on the roads, by some people, some motorists... I don’t know why, it’s not actually doing any harm, they’re just cycling.”

Paul has started work on his new show, for when this current run ends in April. “In May, my new cycle will start,” he explains. “It’s a two to three-year cycle of doing a show and coming up with a new show that I’m now locked into until death, or retirement. It will start in May and it will then go to the Edinburgh Festival, and then it will start in autumn 2023 touring around.”

[Read more: ‘Deranged genius’ Paul Foot is bringing his Image Conscious tour to Cambridge, Comedian Tom Houghton: ‘I discovered I was feet of the week on a foot fetish site’]

The star concluded by saying sorry for something over which he had no control. “I would like to apologise because I was at university [Merton College, Oxford] with Liz Truss,” he reveals.

“I did know her, vaguely, and I don’t think I’m responsible in any way for the fact that she crashed the economy, but I apologise if anything I said to her 25 years ago accidentally somehow influenced her...” Apology accepted.

See Paul Foot at Cambridge Junction on Friday, February 24, 2023. Tickets, priced at £12.50-£16.50, are available from junction.co.uk. For more on Paul, visit paulfoot.tv.